I’m 20 now and I think I’ve seen and lived way more things and experiences than most people my age. Currently I’m even in a backpacking trip and experiencing something new every single day.
In just the last 5 years I’ve lived jn 4 different cities, 3 countries, 2 continents. I currently speak 4.2 languages - I’m looking at you, Chinese, you’re so difficult.
The more I go on with this life, the more I’m enriched with stuff, images, people, memories… And the more I feel empty and like I’m not leaving anything behind for the future. I meet and become friends with people from all over the world, but it seems like I’m never able to make durable friendships. The childhood friendships are left back in the hometown to rot, the new ones that you make along the way die out too fast, and those people just become “old college time friends” or something like that. And I’m avoiding the topic of romantic relationships - my sentimental life is completely non-existent, mostly due to the lack of stability.
I even feel detached from every land, country or whatever. I’m starting to feel like being an international citizen is only an excuse for those who are scared to admit they’re losing their roots and don’t have any place where they truly feel at home. The worst part is: I’ve asked for it, and at least for the near future I don’t want to change this life. I have a love and hate relationship with it and I’m now so accostumed to not having a confort zone that this lack of it is in itself a comfort zone. It’s complicated to explain how I truly feel and maybe this problem of mine is just a problem for a “privileged kid” but I know other people feel like me and can relate. That’s all I need. I just hope I will sort everything out in a few years, but at the moment everything is so uncertain amd complicated. I’ll update you in my thirties probably 😂.

TL,DR: My life is exactly as I wanted it to be, I’m not that happy, I’m full of experiences and friends but yet feel empty. I hope will sort it out in the next ten years.

Alessandro Chiarelli
Alessandro Chiarelli
Software Engineer | Computer Science and Cryptography MSc. | Computer Engineering B.SC.

Software Engineer with interest in Cryptography, Cybersecurity, Blockchain, Finance and Cloud Technology.